Refocus your Focus!

All of us have priorities, things we must focus on. Deadlines we must meet. But as we spend our days hyper focused on achieving whatever it is that is at the top of our to-do list…. Much of life (life happening all around us) seems to blur into the background – even when you think it is not. Even when you think your juggling really well; your eye, on all the balls… in reality, you ultimately drop one or two.

And what do we lose focus of most often? Things that are not a priority? Yes. But we also tend to lose focus on things that are a priority (usually things that are going so well… we simply feel we can relax a bit). Unfortunately, these are often our most important relationships.

Recently, my youngest started developing a nervous tick. Almost unperceivable at first, yet it went from 0 to 90 (becoming a chronic tick) in less than 2 weeks. It developed at such an alarming rate, that my child’s teacher, assistant teacher and myself all sought each other out (in a bit of a panic) to discuss what course of action should be taken.

My youngest has a learning disability, so he has had a lot of attention from me & help from tutors, therapists… to prepare him for school. After years of work & due to the fact everything was going so well, the tutors, teachers… and I all changed our main focus to more urgent priorities & BAM! Something happened to trigger his stress tick, but none of us had been focused on him enough to know exactly what. I took my eye of the ball so briefly, and one of my most important relationships immediately began to suffer.

During the same time period (not a coincidence), I had just gone back to work and was pushing myself to prove myself after being out of the workforce for a number of years. I spent far too many hours staring into my illuminated computer screens… and started developing mild headaches… Since I was trying to reach a deadline, I ignored my bodies warning and kept working until I got the job done. I pushed myself so hard that I ended up having a horrific migraine last Friday that lasted 72 hours through the Memorial Day weekend.

I reached my goal. However, I was so focused on my work, that I dropped two balls (my caregiver relationship with my son and my relationship with myself/my health). I ignored the warning signs (the mild tick and the mild headaches). I simply thought I had more time before I had to address the problems. Due to my delay, mild problems became chronic.

How often do we ignore (relationship and/or health) warning signs in our lives? We are all so busy, and our to-do lists at times seem endless… relationships (& health) often suffer because of it. How do we stay focused on all that is important to us? We don’t. However, we can address ensuing problems in our relationships as soon as they pop up – not waiting until they become chronic situations.

I know how to take care of myself when I get out of whack. So I do (although I shouldn’t) sometimes drive myself harder than I should. However, seeing my son out of whack for the first time – helped me refocus my focus on the most important things in my life. It was no mere coincidence that my son developed a nervous tick at the exact same time I went back to work. Everyone in a relationship (household…) affects everyone else. My son did not hear me speak or see me behave in any stressful ways… he simply felt the stress I was internalizing.

I dropped everything over Memorial Day weekend to right my wrongs. Thank goodness I was able to find a natural remedy for my migraines – and am back to work no problem. As for my son, we had a number of long talks. I am no longer multitasking in his presence. If he is “present” – so am I. His teachers are glad to report that his chronic tick is now no more than an occasional nervous twitch.

If I want my home to be healthy and harmonious, I have to be a model of health and harmony – not just outwardly but inwardly (physically, mentally & spiritually) as well. If your harmony/health is not deep – your energy/vibration will affect others/your relationships in negative ways (despite your outward well intended words and actions and/or your ability to “appear” healthy on the outside).

Pay attention to all that is important to you… when you notice something going astray – act as soon as possible. Don’t be afraid to face a problem or change the status quo. The less damage that is done, the easier things will be to rectify. When you do fall off the wagon (so-to-speak), don’t be upset with yourself. Simply do your best to regain your (physical, mental and/or spiritual) harmony again – ASAP. If it is done quickly enough (without too much harm to those around you), your relationships should get back on track (after you say any needed amends of course:).

If life has simply been too hectic to manage, and, issues in an important relationship do become chronic… Again, do not waste time feeling guilty and/or beating yourself up over the situation… Refocus your focus and face it head on!

Published by

New York University MA · Aesthetics (study of the mind and emotions in relation to the sense of beauty/harmony) Colloquium Title: “The Meta- and Physical Epistemology of Aesthetics: how the human body, mind & spirit are effected by beauty/harmony & love” New York University BA · Double Major: Psychology/Art History · Double Minor: Writing/Photography Former Columnist New York Post · New York, NY

31 thoughts on “Refocus your Focus!”

  1. I can deeply relate with this, as a mother and as someone who unfortunately ignores her own health for the sake of – fill in the blank. I’m so glad that you’re feeling better and thank you for sharing your story – what especially resonates with me is “being present” in the presence of others, especially our children. It’s something I work hard to do with my daughter and the positive results are immediate and undeniably wonderful.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I am new to your blog, but I am already in love with style of writing and honesty. As a single mom I understand how everything becomes a priority and the pressure to do it all and be everything for everyone. I have ignored my health, hair, and many other things to help others. But sometimes you have to scream PAUSE. But you are right it is hard

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What a beautiful image: an “uncaged phoenix”. I love that! Yes. Life is hard to manage & it is so frustrating that it doesn’t come with a manual! We must all remember the the tale of the phoenix rising out of the ashes!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wonderful blog article! And I, too, LOVE the imagery of the Phoenix Rising for many, many different reasons on many different levels. Thank you again for the wise and poignant post! Blessings!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Life is struggle but its up to us how to face it we value material things and ignore relationship either with yourself or with love ones but then its our choice , if one can’t manage its better to stay single no need to give birth to children ,I am not harsh but practical ,do what you can do ,don’t stress yourself .

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Exactly but in doing that don’t out focus yourself as if upbringing a child at cost of your health it will only complicate things ,a strong foundation can only support a big building .

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Never stop listening 2 yourself ! Focus indeed 4 you know the answers, your priorities & what’s best & what 2 do 4 yourself & 4 the ones in need & definitely 4 whom that depends on you, like your child. Always think yang of yin & yin of yang. Always think big (yang) of the small (yin) & small of the big. The smallest thing can ruin the largest. Always act when it’s minute &/or small & if not then we only have ourselves 2 blame. In ancient times & contrary 2 nowadays, people lived holistic lives, were never addicted 2 striving, work & labor & when doing something they always integrated their mind, body & spirit in all things, actions & doings. This allowed them 2 become masters of themselves & not victims of chance, concepts & the outer-world or lost in confusion, ambivalence & doubt 4 having consulted their minds & thinking or the outer-world & consequently acted wrongly, late or not at all & hardly ever on time & rightful. In ancient times & contrary 2 nowadays, people took care of their own community & not only their family &/or friends & spouse & that is what made everybody realize the concept of Love. Now Love is never showed, explained or recognized or noticed & hardly ever present & when its actually perceptible its either taken for-granted or put-on hold or lost in all the busyness, absurdity & hassles of daily life or gets exhausted by sexual actions. A master of one’s own Self, the more he does 4 others, the happier he is & the more he gives 2 others the wealthier he is (tao te king last chapter # 81) 4 Love is what feeds any soul both giver & taker. A master is able 2 love all & loves serving & helping others 4 he sees his Self in them – the crux of Self-realization – the Seeing of one’s own Self in (all) others, something given 2 any parent & searched 4 by all.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for the follow! Great post, too. I can relate to the losing focus. As an avid runner, I have to be careful that I’m focused on running. Sometimes I lose focus of getting out (being with my kids instead) and I lose that hour to myself. Sometimes it’s a fair trade, other times I skip that run when I know it’ll do me more good than staying home. Guess this is why multitasking is so difficult, we can’t give things our full attention.


    1. My pleasure! Sorry for the delayed response. As you can see, I’ve been stricken by the dreaded Lyme disease. Even though it’s not contagious… I suddenly feel as though I have cooties! All that aside, you son like a great dad. Someone who loves and respects his own needs… while simultaneously doing the same for those closest to you. You are setting a great example for your kids (even on the days you need to make about yourself). Keep on keeping on!


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